The Terror Trap (Department Z Book 7) Read online

  Have you experienced it? Fear? Loneliness? Hopelessness? Loss? The battle is not merely physical or emotional is it? It is spiritual, too. “You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day” (Psalm 91:5). “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). Followers of Jesus know this. He’s been there, done that for each one of us. Experienced it all and more. He gets it. He understands.

  On the eve of his most fearful and loneliest of nights, Jesus gathers his closest friends on earth around him and says, “Look, the hour is coming . . . it has come . . . when you will be scattered, each to his own home . . . and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me” (John 16:32).

  Better than her husband. Better than her children. Better than the best of her friends anywhere on earth. In a lonely room, a scary place where only Dixie can be . . . Abba Father . . . Daddy is with her. She is not alone after all. He never left her side!

  . . . So the woman was left alone . . . but not all alone.

  “YEA GOD!”

  25

  Satisfied . . . Not Settling

  I’m often not really satisfied with a purchase or a hairstyle after a time because I have just “settled” for something. Most times the purchase has been on sale and I’ve settled for something that doesn’t quite fit or fit in. Or a hairstyle that may be the latest, but not the best for me. Settling . . . not really satisfied.

  I shudder to think how often I have blamed God for my dissatisfaction. It hit me today, those were choices I made. I didn’t really even consult God. However, the times I have consulted him, then waited until he directs me, I have found great satisfaction for a long time. I am astounded that it has taken me so long to understand the concept . . . that truly God is enough!

  Lord, I repent of settling for mediocre, a life “on sale,” instead of living the life you offer that is so deeply satisfying. It’s not always an easy life, without pain and difficulties, but you satisfy all the deep longings of my being.

  God is enough.

  He is my

  provision

  he knows my needs

  protection

  he knows my fears

  presence

  he knows my desires

  He supplies sometimes in adequate amounts, sometimes an abundant amount. However, he is always enough.

  When I feel he is absent, what does he want to teach me about my needs, fears, desires? How do I usually respond to him? How does God desire for me to respond?

  The history of my experiences with God tells me in very many ways that truly he is enough.

  He continually teaches me to trust him in all things. When I forget to trust or choose not to trust . . . he waits for me. I am learning.

  Thank you Father, for being trustworthy. ~ DLT diary, January 2008

  One does not soon forget a week in the wilderness.

  In years past, Dixie and I have traveled the same Sinai wilderness region that Moses recalls in Deuteronomy, near the end of his earthly journey, when he says, “The LORD our God spoke to us at Horeb and said, ‘You have stayed in the area of this mountain long enough. Get up now, resume your journey’ Then we left Horeb and passed through all that immense, forbidding wilderness that you saw on the way to the Amorite hill country as the LORD our God had commanded us to do, finally arriving at Kadesh Barnea” (Deuteronomy 1:6, 7, 19).

  Not much has changed there in the passing centuries from Moses’ day until now. It is still a “forbidding wilderness.”

  Soon after, Moses sent twelve men on to spy out the Promised Land in order to determine what lay ahead for them. Their KB (Kadesh Barnea) experience, once filled with purpose and possibilities, became instead a scene of fearfulness and failure. Ten returned with frightening tales of giants and overwhelming odds. Two brought back tasty fruit from the land and, trusting God, urged them on. But the majority won out. And what was it they won? Forty years in the wilderness. Zero Promised Land!

  The fruits of promise, suggesting hope and love and better days ahead, came to us this week from unexpected quarters. Encouraging comments from friends on Facebook and CaringBridge. A surprise card in the mail. Flowers from Mike, Mary and son William, good friends in South Carolina, sent just because “you were on our hearts this week.” Irene’s link to Joni’s song, “Alone Yet Not Alone.” I purchased it and placed on Dixie’s iPad.

  Jeanne, who brought a tasty meal. A lovely visit from three nieces, Candy, Tami, Robin, and sister-in-law, Patsy, as well as from our daughter, Michele, and another from granddaughter, Katy. And of course the little dude, our 2–1/2-year-old great-grandson, Corbin, was happy to be picked up at the daycare center and romp with Papa in the park near our home; then burn off some remaining energy with GG, who never fails to find berries and cheese in the refrigerator to recharge his always-on batteries.

  All this and the completion of week 2 at UWMC radiation.

  Thursday. With the UWMC radiology team, Dr. Edward Kim, and at SCCA with Dr. Gabriella Chiorean, we listen as they reaffirm Dixie’s blood tests being good and that she is responding well to treatment at this time.

  And perhaps best of all, each day this week, while alone undergoing radiation treatment, Dixie tells of finding great comfort in whispering silently to herself verses of Scripture as the Holy Spirit brings them to mind, though now she doesn’t recall exactly what they were or where they are to be found. Fruits of promise given in Dixie’s own KB experience, consumed in the very moment in which they are needed.

  The real difference between the two spies—Joshua and Caleb—and the ten other guys is perspective. Joshua and Caleb looked back at who their God had been for them, remembering their triumph over Pharaoh and recent deliverance from slavery in Egypt. Based on how far their experience of trusting in God had brought them, they looked ahead to who and what their God would be in the face of new challenge and great opportunity. The result was a true perspective. For the two spies, theirs was the God of the impossible. The ten didn’t see God; they just saw the impossible. They could not get over their human inability to accomplish what lay ahead. The giants in the land were too big. Their God was too small.

  The failure of the Israelites at KB is the central theme of Psalm 95. This Psalm begins with a call to worship, and ends with a warning; a warning not to be like the Israelites at KB (and wherever else they did more than their fair share of complaining). Praise is the preventative cure for complaining. It focuses on God and urges us to do likewise. It looks back upon the greatness of God and what he has done. It inspires faith and obedience. Our Lord’s gift of salvation at Calvary becomes the central point in our worship each time we approach the Lord’s Table (Eucharist).

  All of us will experience some kind of KB experience at least once in our lives. A moment turning an otherwise ordinary day into the one where God allows a challenge to confront us that looks impossible. One requiring a ton of faith and obedience? Not necessarily. Maybe a mustard seed size faith will do (Matthew 17:20). Either we trust in God’s promises and power, obedient always to his will, or we are overcome by doubts and fears, remaining forever in a wilderness of defeat.

  Dixie and I choose to go with the two and not the ten. The majority may rule, but their results are not always promising. We choose to walk by faith and encourage you to do likewise. That way when your KB comes along, and it will, you will be ready to meet the challenge, trusting God for the miracle, while at the same time obedient always to his will, finding strength, comfort and ultimate victory in him.

  His plan is for us to develop, as apprentices to Jesus, to the point where we can take our place in the ongoing creativity of the universe. God is grooming us for leadership. He’s watching to see how we demonstrate our faithfulness. He does that through his apprenticeship program, one that prepares us for heaven. Christ is not simply preparing a place for us; he is preparing us for that place. ~ Randy Alcorn, Heaven

  26

 
Seeing with the Eyes of God

  I am thinking much recently about a biblical worldview. What does the world look like through God’s eyes? I believe we can know that to some degree from searching God’s Word. How do I view the world? How should I view it? How do I and how should I view myself in that world? Most importantly, how do I live in the world as it crowds out God and his followers?

  I have a voice, but I often don’t feel heard. How do I modulate my voice so others will listen? I also believe I have some knowledge but often feel too vulnerable to speak out, especially in places of uncertainty. Teach me, Lord to see as you see; to hear you clearly so I can speak out with certainty. Open your Word to me and give me understanding and wisdom.

  9 Dixie teaching Women’s Bible Study

  “Those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD have not forsaken those who seek you” (Psalm 9:1). ~ DLT diary, November 2012

  Saturday 05 July. Interdependent on Independence Day.

  Some years ago, Dixie and I had occasion to be in Paris on 14 July, Bastille Day. The French Independence Day is so called because it commemorates the storming of the Bastille, a famous prison, during the French Revolution in 1789.

  Later, we made our way to Switzerland in time to celebrate, on 01 August, their Swiss National Day, a date since 1891, serving as a reminder of the founding of the Swiss Confederation of 1291, an historic alliance that would become the core around which, over centuries, the nation of Switzerland was constructed and formed their independence.

  One year in June, we were swept up in a Jerusalem Day celebration in Israel, a national holiday commemorating the reunification of Jerusalem and the establishment of Israeli control over the Old City, in the aftermath of the June 1967 Six-Day War, and regaining access to the Western Wall.

  We’ve been privileged with opportunities such as these and are grateful, taking nothing for granted. Such celebrations are different when viewed as foreigners, outside our native land, so to speak.

  Here in our homeland, after the vote to declare American independence from the British Crown was done by the Second Continental Congress on 2 July, a final Declaration of Independence was prepared, debated and approved on 4 July.

  The day before, John Adams wrote to his wife, Abigail, saying, “The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the day of deliverance, by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forever more.”6

  Well, John missed it by a couple of days, but he had the right idea. Americans, Swiss, the French, whomever and wherever, we all celebrate more or less the same way when we are truly “free and independent.” We do so with our respective cultural brands of “pomp and parade, shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations . . . from this time forward forever more.”

  Yesterday, Dixie and I celebrated the USA’s Independence Day with our own, very low-key touch. A short walk around City Park, kitty corner across from our home, where about sixty thousand of our closest friends gather on this day each year. Chili and hot dogs, an all-American touch made multi-cultural with German sauerkraut, French onion dip, Louisiana Tabasco-spicy catsup and strawberry/rhubarb dessert topped off with all-American vanilla ice cream. At 10 o’clock, to the musical sounds of a live band, the City of Bellevue’s fireworks (made in China?) are shot off across the street from our apartment, so close we can hear and feel the impact from each blast. It’s about as American as it gets!

  But it also says something about our independence. The truth is, we are never truly “free and independent.” Not from others and most assuredly not from God. We depend on each other, our ethnicities and cultures, skills and talents, knowledge and life experiences. We were designed by our Creator to be interdependent.

  Dixie and I have, in recent times, experienced more of the feeling of being interdependent with each other, with family, with friends and neighbors, with doctors and nurses and technicians, with people we know intimately and with perfect strangers. And, above all, with the Lord God Almighty.

  This week marks the halfway point in Dixie’s radiation therapy. No small accomplishment. That she has thus far done so well in this aggressive treatment, we attribute to the faithful and supportive prayers being offered by so many on her behalf. Our doctors and their cohorts are wonderful and amazing in what they do, but they themselves understand they are only part of the health delivery program, not the whole.

  While Jesus walked on earth, “he had healed many, so that all who were afflicted with diseases pressed toward him in order to touch him” (Mark 3:10). Our faith is centered in what the divine nature of a compassionate God and scientifically proven medicine can accomplish as mutually legitimate parts of mankind’s health restorative process. This is where we live each day.

  My life is no longer than my hand. My whole lifetime is but a moment to you. Proud man! Frail as breath! A shadow! All his busy rushing ends in nothing. He heaps up riches for someone else to spend. And so, Lord, my only hope is in you. Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry! Don’t sit back, unmindful of my tears. For I am your guest. I am a traveler passing through the earth, as all my fathers were. ~ Psalm 39:5–7, 12 (TLB)

  The terms “foreigner,” “guest” and “traveler” were for those who were not native inhabitants in the Promised Land. The Israelites were to consider themselves as foreigners and temporary residents in Yahweh’s land. And so are we as well. Interdependent. Inquirers. Travelers. Guests on this earth, in this life. God has been gracious beyond Dixie’s and my dreams in the life he has given us to share together. Best of all we enjoy having touched, in small but important ways, many others whom God loves desperately.

  27

  Against the Wind

  Disappointment. What do I do with a lifetime of disappointment? Disappointment with the family of my youth, with the family of my womb, with the family of my intercession and labor. It’s too big for me to handle anymore. My despair, Lord, I give to you. Help me to see that my life has meant something positive to you and to others. I long to see that relationships I’ve given so much of myself to have been worthwhile, that I’ve made a difference for the good. Help me Lord, not to drown in this wave of disappointment.

  Lift my head; help me to see you. Help my “spiritual eyes” to focus on you so that my “emotional eyes” can see, too. Help the broken places in my heart to be closed and reinforced so that I can love those that disappoint. Teach me how to think about them so that my actions are done with integrity and congruence. Show me the way to see them so I don’t lose hope.

  And the vacuum, where disappointment has dwelled, please fill with your joy, so that I won’t let it come back in. Today, Lord, in the face of the things that have caused me to be jarred, give me a smile, a gentle touch, and an encouraging word; let there be no rancor and give me the courage to love without expectations. Your strength will be needed every moment. Thank you for the moments. ~ DLT diary, May 1991

  Have you ever had that terrible sinking feeling? You realize you’ve made a bad judgment call. An irredeemable mistake? Suddenly all of life seems like one big disappointment. Of course you have. We all have. You will find days of disappointment in every person’s calendar, often unmarked, but poignant nonetheless. More than we wish to admit to. And if you find yourself to be the cause of someone’s disappointment, well, that is disappointing, too.

  The apostle Peter introduces a great story, with young Mark recording the retelling of a night he lived like that. A night he and his companions were in a fishing boat, straining at the oars, rowing against the wind, when Jesus suddenly appeared out of the darkness, walking on the water! (Mark 6:45–52). I’ll bet Peter told this story at least a hundred t
imes after it happened. But the fact is, he leaves out the best part, perhaps out of modesty or maybe embarrassment, leaving it to his friend and colleague, Matthew, to tell us “the rest of the story.”

  And in the fourth watch of the night he came to them, walking on the sea. But when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were terrified, and said, “It is a ghost!” and they cried out in fear. But immediately Jesus spoke to them, saying, “Take heart; it is I. Do not be afraid.” And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” ~ Matthew 14:25–31

  Can’t you see Jesus smiling at Peter in this gentle rebuke? Like a father who reassuringly takes the hand of his young child who is just learning to walk?

  And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. And those in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” ~ Matthew 14:25–33

  Dixie and I were deep into our eighth journey in Israel, together with a group of friends, when we visited the Sea of Galilee Boat, also known as the Jesus Boat, housed in the Yigal Alon Museum in Kibbutz Ginosar. It is an ancient fishing boat from the 1st century CE (the time of Jesus), discovered in 1986.